[IC inbox]

[k2so]

[✉ text | ☎ voice | ►video]

Comments

[captain_by_the_book]

I love you

[k2so]

[After staring at the weird texts for 5 minutes, Kay concludes that whatever madness struck Cassian is getting worse. But he will reply back.]

I'll answer you in order, if you are so curious:

- No, he does not. More like the opposite, actually.

- Sex is not the only thing making relationships work.

- I have ten perfectly functional fingers, among other many qualities.

Your face is pathetic.

- You really need to use your imagination more often

- Right now I'm considering strap ons. You know, to spice things up. [This is a troll answer but he's sure Imperial! Cassian might not realize it.]

- I don't particularly hate you, you are right now more pitiable than anything.

And our life isn't perfect....but close.

- ....

He does not.

[Answering that one hurt :( ]

- Sure you do. It's not saying the words what makes it real. This is not some sort of chanting to make me cooperate.

[captain_by_the_book]

[ Sorry, Kay, you broke his brain with the strap on.

He will need a little while to recover from that, for yes, he does believe it. He would even believe it while sober, he has absolutely no baseline to go on for what you normally do with "the rebel." ]

what else do you want?

I have nothing else to give

[k2so]

[Serves you right, silly man.

Kay could have come up with something worse, believe him.]

I want all this to not be a lie you're making up to accomplish whatever plan you have in mind now. I want the real Cassian Andor back.

Why do yo care about our relationship at all? You think I'm jsut a tin can.

[captain_by_the_book]

Not to other me

He loves you

He stays with you he loves you he wouldn't be if he weren't dont lie

I want to know wby

Is it because nhe can't geg anyone else??? He loves you because you took pity on bim?

[k2so]

It's weird hearing this from someone who is him, but not.

We been through a lot together, we trusted and had each other's back for years. He knows I could kill him if my imperial protocols were activated and yet he still wants me. Why he does it, I can't not tell. I barely understand it myself. But I can't tell you this, there's no one else I'd ever want to be with.

I'm sure he could get laid if he wanted, if that's what you are asking. Have you looked at yourself in a mirror?

[captain_by_the_book]

I could

People bave been buying me drinks all night
Woman with the sparkly drink groped my ass
Maybe i will
Am nkt talking bout sex

I want to fuck you. He wants more

Is he so lonely? Did he program you fo it? I can program better

[k2so]

What

A woman did what??? [This might not be his Cassian, personality--wise, but it was still his boyfriend body. And Kay was so not okay with this.] You need to stop drinking and you need to leave the bar alone before you do something stupid. Stupider than than your standards, I mean.

You want to...? [What is this conversation even. Kay doesn't know anymore.]

We like and care for each other. Is the concept of love so hard for imperials to understand? To care about others more than one does about their own self? You're dedicated to your cause, no matter how wrong it is you'll do everything for it. it's the same with him and I, just for each other.

[captain_by_the_book]

[ Are you expecting coherency and common sense from him? This is not the night for that. He's been spiraling all week and this is crash & burn night. ]

Cant afford to love
its weakness rivals use it gainst you

I#m not leaving yet waiting for lady to take me home

[k2so]

[Fair point, Kay shouldn't have hopped to have a normal conversation.]

Right, sure. I've heard that a million times before by all kinds of edgy warlords. 'Love and emotions are a weakness' Blah.Blah.Blah. I'm not going to bother arguing.

NO. THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANY LADIES IN YOUR FUTURE.

[captain_by_the_book]

But I pushed her button!!!

[ The locator button on his phone. Dorothy asked him to push the locator button so she could pick him up, since she couldn't get a straight answer where he is out of him. ]

I'm not egdy imperial rivals use it against you! am always alone its better

[k2so]

You did what? [Kay is not jealous, really, he isn't. This is not his Cassian, he can go around pushing other droid's buttons if he wants.

Except, NOT. He can't.]

So you aren't only a drunk disaster, you are also a cheater!!!

No, it is not. Except in this case. No going out with ladies tonight.

[captain_by_the_book]

But but shes taking me home!

She doesn't call me a disaster she's nicer than you i like her better

[ But K-2SO getting upset and jealous is kind of flattering. They don't even know another, but it's still kind of nice. As long as he doesn't think about it that K-2SO is only interested in the other him, anyway. ]

your mean and you like him betteer

[k2so]

Home where? Tell her you don't want to go with her!

That woman is only trying to sleep with you. You're drunk and not thinking clearly.

[He is not jealous! He is only...concerned. As any good citizen would be! Or so he would say.]

He doesn't call me a thing, or a tin can, or a machine. of course I like him better.

[captain_by_the_book]

Uhuh i think she wanfs me to sleep with her

[As in, he expects that she wants him to sleep at her place rather than dragging him all the way back to Everglade and his room at the Red House Foundation. ]

A not drunk just tisy

And you're a tin can but other me wants to kiss you maybe he really likes tin does it taste I wonder if it tastes like cocktail can i lick you?

[k2so]

In that case, she's going to end terribly disappointed. I pity her.

[Maybe Cassian should reword that a little better then.]

Tisy? ...you meant tipsy? How many drinks have did you have?

I don't...[Wait a second.]...you need to come here to lick me. But you are leaving with that mean woman.

[captain_by_the_book]

She said i can keep the vodka

[And she has no intention to keep that promise. There is so mucb disappointment waiting in his future. ]

I sleep with her and then i come lick you

[Look. Him using logic. He is so proud of himself. ]

I had fruity cocktails

[k2so]

See, another sign that she's a bad influence.

[If only Kay knew that they're talking about Dorothy. He would feel much more relieved.]

NO!

Sure, you only had that.

[captain_by_the_book]

And vodka and water and a sparkly drink

You want me to come and lick you but you don't even semd me nudes

[Which makes sense in his mind because he'd been thinking about how thry haven't even met in person yet. He only knows him from old video posts. That just got lost between his brain and his fingers. ]

[k2so]

Go figure. Mixing alcohol increases the risk of being hungover the next day in a 65%, tomorrow it's going to be fun for you.

I don't...WHAT? [asdkjhkda not even normal Cassian ever asked for that. Why is Kay burdened with this? What god did he anger?]

[captain_by_the_book]

[ Whatever deity looks out for Imperial officers. Have fun figuring out which one that could be. ]

Nudes

we never met

i just want to know how lickable you are

[k2so]

[One that has a weird sense of humor, that for sure.]

I never wear clothes so I am technically always naked.

[But he will indulge imperial Cassian and turn his replies to video.]

You are a very weird man now.

---> video

[captain_by_the_book]

[ It takes Cassian some fumbling to switch his own phone to video mode. Kay will be treated to the sight of him with his uniform rumpled and open at the collar, his eyes glassy from alcohol. ]

Heeey. This is nicer! No more fiddly buttons!

[ He grins, all proud of his discovery. Slurred speech, too. Someone's really on his best way to thoroughly smashed. ]

Whassit about? You want to show me the goods?

...I dun know what goods droids have.

video

[k2so]

[If Cassian were his normal self, that would be a very welcome view.]

You look terrible....but happy, I guess.

[Kay is sure that with the amount of alcohol in Cassian's blood, if he were to be set on fire his body would burn for 4 days straight.]

No! You wanted to see how I looked like, so there, wish granted. I'm not putting up a show for you.

[captain_by_the_book]

[ He scoffs, completely over the top in his melodrama. ]

I know what KX look like! I'm... I'm ISB! I have the blueprints! With all the... the... [ Cassian wriggles his fingers... and then goes off-track for a minute there while he looks in fascination at his fingers. Moving. Wow. ] All the tiny stuff.

I wanna see you.

[ Not that he has any idea what he expects to see of a droid. Just that he hopes to see something which would explain why his other self had gone and chosen to live his life with a very advanced security gadget. Because it's easier to think there's some secret appeal to his frame than to admit to himself that he has simply fallen in love. ]